The best way to respond to breadcrumbing
What does 'breadcrumbing' mean?
'Breadcrumbing' refers to when someone sends flirtatious but sporadic messages to keep you interested in them, without actually committing to a relationship or making concrete plans to meet. For example:
- Occasional flirty texts, snaps or likes on social media to string you along
- Dropping coy compliments or hints about getting together that never actually lead anywhere
- Reaching out after long silences as if nothing happened, to regain your interest before disappearing again
The best 3 ways to respond to breadcrumbing
Do not engage or reward the behavior. Do not like, heart or reply to their messages. Do not give them the attention and validation they are seeking.
Be direct and ask for clarity. Say something like "I've noticed your messages seem inconsistent. What are you actually looking for here?" This can prompt them to either commit to making real plans or stop messaging you.
Stand up for yourself if needed. If their behavior continues and you feel you are being strung along, be firm and clear in telling them their breadcrumbing is unacceptable and needs to stop. Say "I'm not interested in these kinds of games. Please stop messaging me unless you want to actually get together."
What are the considerations when responding to breadcrumbing?
Some things to consider:
- Do not make excuses for them or rationalize their behavior. Breadcrumbing is not a sign of a healthy relationship.
- Do not let them waste your time or emotional energy. Only engage if they show real interest and effort.
- Look at their actions, not words. Flirty messages mean nothing without follow through.
- Do not get drawn into long back-and-forth conversations. Keep your responses short and to the point.
- Be willing to cut off contact if the situation calls for it. Your time and self-respect are valuable.
Specific cases of breadcrumbing and how to respond
Case 1: An old flame messages you out of the blue with a flirty "Miss you!" text. Do not reply.
Case 2: A dating app match messages you good morning for a week then disappears. When/if they message again, ask what they're looking for before engaging further.
Case 3: Someone you met promises to make plans but never does, just sends occasional memes or likes your posts. Tell them you do not have time for games and to contact you only if they want an actual date.
Case 4: An ex who has not committed to getting back together sends a "Thinking of you" text. Do not respond. Exes often breadcrumb to satisfy their ego or boredom.
Summary
In summary, while receiving flirty attention can feel good in the moment, breadcrumbing behavior ultimately leaves you feeling frustrated and confused. Do not engage or make excuses for those who do not treat you - and your time - with honesty and respect. You deserve so much more than breadcrumbs, so hold out for someone willing to commit to you fully. If you do confront the breadcrumber, stay calm and focused. Their reaction may tell you all you need to know about their intentions! Remember your worth, and do not settle for less.