The best way to respond to sup
What does 'sup' mean?
The phrase 'sup' refers to surprising, often unwelcome criticism or negative feedback from someone. For example:
- Your boss points out an error you made on an important project. This would qualify as sup.
- A colleague complains to you about your team's performance. This could also be viewed as sup.
- A friend confronts you about a behavior that has been bothering them. This would count as sup, even with good intentions.
The 3 best ways to respond to sup
- Stay calm and composed. Do not get defensive. Say something like "Thank you for the feedback." This acknowledges the sup without judgment.
- Ask clarifying questions. For example, say "Can you provide specific examples to help me understand your concerns better?" Make sure you understand the issues fully before responding.
- Take responsibility for your part. You might say "You raise fair points. I appreciate you bringing this to my attention so I can improve." Own what you can and commit to appropriate action.
What are the considerations when responding to sup?
Some things to keep in mind:
- Do not attack or make excuses. This will likely only make the situation worse. Accept the feedback with an open mind.
- Look for the useful parts of the sup and acknowledge them. You might say "You make a good point about [X]. I will work to address that." Extract the helpful pieces.
- Explain your perspective calmly and logically (if needed). Say something like "I appreciate the feedback. From my view, the situation involved a few complicating factors..." But do so respectfully.
- Discuss a plan for resolution and get input from the person (if possible). Ask "What do you suggest I do differently to improve here?" Seek advice and agreement if you can.
- Thank the person again to reiterate your openness. Say "Again, thank you for bringing this to me directly. I value honest communication." Express appreciation for their time and caring enough to provide sup.
- Follow through and make appropriate changes. Take action in a timely manner to build trust and remedy issues. Make it known what steps you are taking.
Specific examples of responding to sup
Case 1: Your boss says you seem distracted and your work has suffered recently. You say: "You make a fair point, and I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. I have had a few personal issues arise recently that have made focus difficult. I am working to resolve them and will redouble my efforts here. Thank you for your patience and support."
Case 2: A friend says you frequently interrupt them and don't seem to value their input. You say: "I'm sorry my behavior has appeared that way. I never want to make you feel that way and clearly have more to learn. Thank you for being honest with me. I take this feedback seriously and will make the effort to listen more intently and let you finish your thoughts going forward."
Case 3: A colleague complains that your team is not pulling their weight on a project. You say: "Thank you for bringing this concern to me directly. Can you provide more details on where exactly you feel the team is falling short so I have a thorough understanding of the issues? I am committed to resolving any problems and ensuring our team meets expectations on this and all projects. Your feedback is helpful for me in managing my team and helping them develop."
The specific wording will differ based on context but the keys are: stay calm and professional, ask clarifying questions, accept responsibility, look for useful information, explain additional factors briefly without excuses, express appreciation and a desire to remedy issues, and commit to actionable follow up. Sup, when handled well, is an opportunity for growth.
Summary
Sup provides an opportunity to gain valuable feedback and make improvements. Though it can be difficult to receive, sup is often given with good intentions by those who care about our progress and performance. Choose to view it through this lens whenever you can. Respond with an open mind and willingness to understand. Look beyond any discomfort to find the useful pieces of information and constructive criticism that allow you to better yourself and your situations. Commit to following up in a solution-focused way.